


Your faves are problematic: birds

by PumpkinDoodles



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Punisher (TV 2017), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 15:42:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18641116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinDoodles/pseuds/PumpkinDoodles
Summary: Darcy Lewis walks into a grocery store.





	Your faves are problematic: birds

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing! Someone wanted more Frank/Darcy and then I saw a meme on tumblr and here we are.

 

Darcy Lewis was on a desperate search for Jane Foster’s favorite ice cream sandwiches. Jane loved the strawberry swirl flavor in times of stress and their new movie to SHIELD’s DC headquarters for lab space was definitely causing Jane stress. Someone had touched Jane’s equipment today without permission and Darcy had to do something to calm Jane down. Hence, the seek-and-find for strawberry swirl. She’d called three grocery stores and--allegedly--this very expensive Whole Foods in the DC suburbs had three boxes. Three boxes would be a godsend. Almost as good as a Norse god dropping down from Asgard to cuddle Jane, another thing the tiny scientist desperately needed. But Darcy wasn’t going to prop up her HEIMDALL HELP: SEND NOOKIE ASAP sign for at least a week if she could help it. That might send Jane off on a dangerous tangent. The last time Darcy had implied that Jane needed some Thor, Jane had barrelled ahead with a portal project, despite the warning signs. And the sparks. Darcy’s favorite scarf had disappeared, never to return. She was 99% certain Jane had done that to punish her for her quote-unquote “lazy sexist thinking.” She was still giggling over the memory of Jane ranting words like _affrontery_ and _gall_ and _how dare you, I do not get crazy when I haven’t had sex_ when she got to the Whole Foods.

 

The scene that greeted her was something else. A raven had gotten into the store and was being chased around by several employees. People were shrieking and running. “Welp,” Darcy said, “birds.” She resisted the urge to yell _helllooo, Odin!_

“Can you believe it? They just let birds in here?” a passing shopper said, looking very judgy.

“Sometimes, they enter grocery stores with no intention of paying,” Darcy said, quoting a favorite meme. The woman stared at Darcy, but she was too busy heading for the freezers to care. She had secured her three boxes of strawberry swirl for Jane and two boxes of mocha for herself when she headed back to the registers. As she rounded a corner, she saw one of the store employees actually hit the raven with a broom. “Hey!” Darcy yelled. “Don’t hit him!”

“I need to get him out of here!” the assistant manager complained.

“So, injuring a bird will help? For God’s sake, you’re a grocery store, get something ravens will eat and lure him outside,” she scolded.

“Something they’ll eat?” the guy said dimly.

“I can do it,” Darcy said, juggling her phone and her boxes. To her right, she heard a chuckle from the aisle. A dark-haired guy was smiling at her.

“You need a hand, ma’am?” he said.

“Thank you,” Darcy said. She handed him the boxes, dewy with condensation. He had buff arms, she noted. He looked down.

“You eat a lot of ice cream?” he said wryly. He could have tucked his chin over the stack.

“Technically, yes. But those aren’t all mine. Guard those strawberry ones with your life, they’re my boss’s favorite and she will yeet me into 2021 without regular bribes of food,” Darcy said. He laughed.

“Noted,” he said. “Frank.”

“Darcy,” she said.

“Darcy,” he repeated, seeming to turn it over as he spoke.

“Frank?” she asked. He grinned.

“Smart aleck. When are you gonna show off your bird-wrangling skills?” Frank teased.

 

Darcy ended up luring out the raven towards the exit with a carton of blueberries. Her designated ice cream bodyguard followed her out. That set off the alarms, but Frank waved the assistant manager away. “Calm your ass down, we’ll be back inside after we’ve solved your bird problem,” Frank said. Darcy laughed and tossed a few blueberries into the grass outside the store. The raven flew from inside the store entrance and landed in the grass. Dary tossed out a few more blueberries. Frank reached over and ate one.

“Hey, you need to wash those!” she said.

“What? You didn’t wash his,” Frank said, grinning. He had a fantastic grin. Darcy was very into it. They went back inside and Frank ragged the manager until they actually gave them the food for free. It was hilarious. Then they headed back to the parking lot and gave a few more blueberries to the bird. “Your precious, life-saving ice cream is melting,” Frank said.

“Shit,” Darcy said. “I forgot.”

“Must be the company,” he said.

“You’re a real charmer,” Darcy said.

“I try,” he said, tilting his head to the side. On impulse, Darcy opened the box of mocha ice cream sandwiches.

“You like coffee, Frank?” Darcy asked.

“Yeah,” he said.

“This”--she wrote on the back of her business card-- “is my number. You wanna call sometime, I’ll have coffee with you.” She handed him the card and tucked the ice cream sandwich in the pocket of his shirt. Frank smiled and then looked at the card.

“Darcy Lewis, Care and Feeding of Scientists?” he said.

“Uh-huh,” she said. “You know where to find me.” She got in her car and waved as she drove away. He scratched his head and watched her go.

 

When she got back to the lab, Jane was working feverishly. “I got you strawberry swirl!” Darcy announced.

“Oh, God, I need strawberry swirl,” Jane said. “Like, really, really bad. You’re a lifesaver.” She practically tackled the box Darcy handed her. As Darcy restocked their “WARNING: No R&D samples--only food” labeled mini-fridge, Jane tore open the packet and enthusiastically ate her ice cream. “I love these,” Jane said. “It’s like a Pavlovian response.”

“Could it be that you had them with Thor that first summer in London?” Darcy supplied.

“That summer. It was sunny for a whole _week,”_ Jane said, sighing deeply. “He’s coming back next week. He sent a raven.”

“Great,” Darcy said. She smiled. “It’s a raven day.”

“Who is Frank?” Jane said suddenly.

“How do you know about Frank? I just met him at the grocery store!” Darcy said.

“He called. He said he couldn’t have coffee”-- Jane began.

“Oh,” Darcy said.

“--because he’s traditional and insists on dinner for a first date,” Jane said.

“Really?” Darcy said.

“He wants you to call him back if you’re free on Saturday,” Jane said.

“Oh, I totally am. This guy is incredibly cute. And he protected your ice cream,” she told Jane.

“I approve of him,” Jane said. “You can go out with anyone who protects my ice cream.”

“Great,” Darcy said.

“Why did my ice cream need protection?” Jane asked.

“I didn’t want anyone to buy it while Frank and I were getting a wild bird out of the store,” Darcy explained. Jane nodded. It was a very Darcy-ish explanation.

  



End file.
